i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Randomize
