I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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