Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
