More tranny stories later!
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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