I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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