planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Randomize
