and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
