I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
