Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
