your thong is hanging out like whoa
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
