i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
