Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
She bit a glass in half.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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