I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
