ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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