My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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