Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
