last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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