Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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