Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
