I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
The air was thick with penises
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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