who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
