By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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