she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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