I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
The feeling are messing with the penis
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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