We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
You are the jesus of drinking
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
