if i can run in heels then i can drive
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
