You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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