drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
