Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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