He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
