grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
