HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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