I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
My feet surprised me
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
