we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
We got so high we made milksteak
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
