dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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