I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
