I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
