cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
