It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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