How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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