quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
