she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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