When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
