can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
