We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
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It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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