i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
