You can't special order awesome
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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