i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
