dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
