is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
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